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Topic: Did anything trigger you today? (Read 605 times) |
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peacemaker
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Did anything trigger you today?
« Thread started on: Aug 5th, 2006, 2:00pm » |
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Did anything trigger you today to run back to the eating disorder? Did you allow the eating disorder to take over or did you push it away?
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Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.
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peacemaker
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Re: Did anything trigger you today?
« Reply #1 on: Aug 5th, 2006, 2:07pm » |
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Well last night me and my mom were talking and she was making me a grilled cheese and i was in the middle of eating it and i asked for another because i was really hungry, and she said that she didn't want to make it if i was going to feel bad. so i threw my first grilled cheese on my plate and said "fine i am not eating it!" i seriously was a maniac and i refused to eat anything and my mom cried.
so i decided to make her feel better by eating the rest of my 1st grilled cheese, but she left because she was frusterated, so then i binged and purged.
and then i went up to her after all of it when i was leaving and i told her i was sorry and she was blaming herself for saying something stupid, and i said you didn't do ANYTHING wrong. and then i told her i love her.
she really didn't do anything wrong she was trying to be helpful, for some reason it triggered me.
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Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.
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kets
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Re: Did anything trigger you today?
« Reply #2 on: Aug 5th, 2006, 10:50pm » |
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^ awwwww i'm sorry you b/purged and felt bad and all that. but i'm really glad you smoothed things over and you know, admitted you were a little unreasonable. that seriously takes a lot, and i'm sure you and your mom's relationship will be stronger for it
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peacemaker
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Re: Did anything trigger you today?
« Reply #3 on: Aug 6th, 2006, 8:16pm » |
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today was horrible, i was in my bikini and i felt huge.
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Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.
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kets
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Re: Did anything trigger you today?
« Reply #4 on: Aug 9th, 2006, 10:00pm » |
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stressed about work, sleep deprived, lonely, everything.
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sara
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Re: Did anything trigger you today?
« Reply #5 on: Aug 10th, 2006, 12:35pm » |
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sleep deprived, working with irritable people, having to take the bro to therapy cuz my parents are seeing their lawyers to start finalizing the divorce.
overeating at lunch because i wasnt mindful at all
questioning too much.
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kets
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Re: Did anything trigger you today?
« Reply #6 on: Oct 23rd, 2006, 7:42pm » |
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I was talking to this guy at work and I mentioned that I was playing tennis tonight.
And he said, "I just can't imagine you playing tennis"
It was hard not to take that as "you look too fat to be able to move your ass around a court". I was so upset I missed tennis altogether today, which is pretty bad. But I calmed down a bit and went for a short run tonight, after dark so I guess that's some progress. I can't help wondering what he really meant by that, but whatever.
Then later, when mentioning this time I was about to cry, he said I looked like "I was about to burst". what a lovely image huh, that didn't really help either. But whatever,
These comments used to totally flatten me, but I think I've gotten strong enough in my recovery that it only takes me a few steps back. I think in a little bit I'll be able to shake it off altogether
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| « Last Edit: Oct 23rd, 2006, 7:45pm by kets » |
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emp
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Re: Did anything trigger you today?
« Reply #7 on: Oct 24th, 2006, 4:34pm » |
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Today Wawa was giving free coffe after school. The coffee filled me up even though I had consumed a total of 18 calories in the ten hours I'd been awake, all from coffee and soymilk. It was really tempting to just not eat after that, but I reminded myself that this is exactly what I advise AGAINST. I may not be ready for recovery, but I can still try to be as healthy as possible with this.
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Amanda
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Re: Did anything trigger you today?
« Reply #8 on: Nov 10th, 2006, 12:59am » |
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I keep going on ED related non-recovery forums, I think you can all guess which one... and I was totally triggered, starved for the day but then I made myself eat. Still not sure whether Im proud of myself or ashamed at my weakness.
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kets
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Re: Did anything trigger you today?
« Reply #9 on: Nov 19th, 2006, 9:07pm » |
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my mom was telling me about these five people she read about in the news who got into a car crash, and she kept saying how it was a shame there was a pretty lady in the car because now she might die. she kept saying what a shame it was. as if it doesn't matter that the non-pretty people are in serious trouble too.
that kinda sucked to hear. thankfully, it did not affect me as much as it would have 6 months ago, i'm a little more resilient now.
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sara
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Re: Did anything trigger you today?
« Reply #10 on: Nov 20th, 2006, 08:52am » |
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i got a call from matt last night...i dont realize when im talking to him how fucking triggering it is...i was miserable last night and binged/purged for the first time in soooooooooo long...i feel so dumb too cuz i didnt realize i was even binging until i had eaten almost allll the food in my apartment...i was just really into this book i was reading and i was 'just snacking' or whatever...lame...new day today though...
NO MORE TALKING TO MATT. thats that.
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peacemaker
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Re: Did anything trigger you today?
« Reply #11 on: Nov 24th, 2006, 5:32pm » |
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^^^im sorry sara i hope you can get through this.
today i was feeling lonely and really sad for some reason, i just feel really withdrawn and sad today. so i b/p already twice. 
i also have felt all day like i need to cry even while i was purging, and i havent cried. i am just really sad right now.
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xkellyxreneex
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Re: Did anything trigger you today?
« Reply #12 on: Dec 29th, 2006, 3:05pm » |
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My mom asked me a question about my new boots, something like, "Are you supposed to wear your jeans tucked in with these?" And I go, "Umm, some people do, but I don't. I don't like it." She goes, "Yeah, you have to be really skinny to do that."
Gahhhh. :insertamillionobscenitiesrighthere: I am upset. Stupid. I am really upset.
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The most important thing is to be whatever you are without shame.
Rod Steiger
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.
Marcel Proust
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pheniox
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Re: Did anything trigger you today?
« Reply #13 on: Jan 1st, 2007, 11:47pm » |
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^Babe don't let your mom get to you, next time stick your tongue out at her and walk off. It may seem childish, but when someone says something like that it takes them by surprise (I'm very reserved) and makes me feel better.
My best friend, who knows I'm recovering, talked about her new diet today and I made mental lists of "healthy foods" all day long. Luckily I didn't act on it and still ate somewhat normally.
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emp
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Re: Did anything trigger you today?
« Reply #14 on: Jan 22nd, 2007, 5:20pm » |
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Today I was looking at the skinny girl I've always had a silent rivalry with in my English class. I was triggered by it, but then I realized I don't want to be like her- abusing Adderall and making a mess out of my life. I didn't act on the urge to fast the rest of the day. 
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